


i love you for infinity

by renmoojunskz



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Cute Ending, Depression, Engaged, Fighting, Long Term Relationship, M/M, Pain, Sort Of, breaking up, chan and jisung, chan and minho if u squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:07:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23748067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renmoojunskz/pseuds/renmoojunskz
Summary: changbin and jisung have been together 5 years and theyre in love. but one day jisung wakes up to changbin leaving and he had no idea why.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin
Kudos: 33





	i love you for infinity

“but you said you love me,” jisungs voice cracks as he stares at changbin.

“people lie sometimes,”

jisungs heart cracks more than it already was.

“so you're just going to leave…? what did i do…?”

“yes. I'm going to leave.”

jisung knew it was pathetic. but he grabs changbins arm. “please, changbin. we have been together for five years… what changed?”

“i changed.” changbin wasn't looking at him.

jisung stares at his back. “you can't leave me alone.”

“you aren't alone.”

“i dont have anyone else.”

“you have yourself,”

jisung sobs pathetically. “changbin…”

“let go, jisung.”

“no, please stay,”

“i can't stay,”

“you can, you can stay with me. you love me changbin.”

“i don't, let go.”

“infinity,”

the word made changbin inhale sharply.

“i love you for infinity.”

changbin snatches his arm and steps away. “not anymore,”

and he leaves. he leaves jisung there.

jisung falls onto the couch as the door slams shut.

that's how chan finds him later that day.

“jisung? you okay? where's changbin?” he sets his bag down and kneels in front of jisung who is staring blankly at his knees.

“gone,”

“gone? did you fight?” jisung mumbles a no, “why did he leave?”

“i don't know, he packed everything while i was sleeping and when i woke up he was putting the last box in his car and… he's gone.”

“what did he say?” chan was rubbing his knees, speaking softly.

“that he doesn't love me anymore,” jisung finally brings his head up to look at chan.

“oh baby… that's not true. there has to be another reason.”

“he didn't even react to my infinity,” jisung sobs, covering his mouth.

chan pulls him into a hug, sitting on the couch and letting jisung sit on his lap.

jisung cries and cries and it breaks chans heart. “you need to eat something now, im sure you haven't in hours.”

jisung sniffles, nuzzling his face into chans neck, “im not hungry,”

“im going to make you eat something anyway.” 

and he does. he makes ramen as jisung sits on the couch, holding his knees to his chest. trying not to cry again.

jisung picks at the noodles, eating a few and then hiccuping. “i feel sick.”

“i know, sungie. but we can get you through this. i know you'll be just fine. it's just another break up,”

“just another break up?” jisung hiccups again. “this is different. i don't understand what happened he just left. last night we were fine nothing happened. i don't understand.” jisung hiccups yet again. “infinity. channie hyung… im in love with him. i don't understand, i don't get it. what did i do wrong..?”

chan pulls him into another hug. “baby… baby im so sorry. but im here for you. im not going anywhere.”

jisung starts crying again. 

chan almost rocks him, rubbing his back and talking to him softly.

you see, jisung was the most sensitive and loving person chan had ever met. which also means that jisung gets hurt easily.

and that's what chan thought this was, a little fight that jisung was overreacting over. but he was wrong. and he figures that out as the weeks go by and he brings more of his clothes and work things to jisungs apartment. and the more of changbins items he takes out and replaces with his own, it becomes clear that jisung really isn't okay.

after 2 months, chan started helping with bills and started sorting jisungs medicine and helping him eat and sleep well. 

chan ends his lease on his apartment and changes his address after 4 months. and he officially moves in.

by that time, he hadn't heard jisung speak more than 10 words since that day.

but he had seen changbin. a few times, to give his stuff back.

and each time, he asked, “why did you leave?”

and changbin says, “i don't love him anymore,”

and chan didn't believe it at all. “that's not what happened changbin. you love him more than anything. tell me what happened.”

“i don't love him anymore.”

chan would let him leave after that. he didn't see changbin again after giving him the last of his stuff a month ago.

“jisung? you home?” chan calls as he steps in.

instead of a response jisung steps into the living room and sinks into chans arms.

chans heart races, scared that something happened. “what's wrong?”

“i miss him,”

“i know, baby. but it's been so long now. nothing has changed?”

“i want to know why…”

jisung was crying again which isn't rare anymore. most nights jisung comes to the guest room, now chans, and crawls into bed with him to cry himself to sleep in chans arms.

“why…? what did i do..? chan hyung…” he sobs loudly.

“i don't know sungie. i really really dont know.”

after a few minutes of sobs that make his whole body shake and convulse, jisungs legs give out. chan catches him and pulls him into his arms to carry him to his bed.

and after hours of such harsh sobbing that chan knew he would be sick, chan decided he was going to find out why changbin really did this. why he would do this to the boy he loved so much.

and chan knew that he loved jisung. it was so crazy really.

changbin always had problems with finding trust in any kind of relationship.

his dad had left at a young age and he had problems with bullying and making friends in school. him and chan had been friends for ages and when changbin graduated and joined chan at college, he met jisung.

and he fell in love. jisung was a sensitive and shy boy that changbin met at his favorite coffee shop.

jisung was so soft and loving from the beginning and he made changbin feel good, loved. so he became attached quickly.

and they were dating within the month.

they were the most in love couple chan had ever seen. they completed each other and helped each other.

chan was sure they would be engaged before they hit their 3 year anniversary. but they weren't. and now after their five year anniversary, changbin walked out.

and jisung said that everything was normal leading up to this.

so what changed? what made changbin do this?

-

chan figured changbin would quit his job. and he was right. but it wasn't too hard to find the old beat up red mustang around town and soon he found where changbin worked now.

so he sits and waits, parked next to changbins car, for him to leave.

and when he does chan gets out.

“hey, changbin!” he calls, jogging up to the younger boy. “can we talk?”

changbin looks at him. "no." 

"come on seriously." chan sighs.

changbin leans on his car. "then talk."

"you ruined him. that poor boy is wallowing in his own self pity. he's convinced he did something wrong and he is tearing himself to shreds. why did you walk out on him?"

"its been months. he's still on that stage of grief?" changbin raises an eyebrow.

"why did you do it?"

"i don't love him anymore."

"thats a lie."

"it's not."

"you forgetting the ring i found going through your remaining shit? come on. what's the reason?"

"i don't lo-"

"changbin."

"what?"

"did he do something? did you? help me understand so i can help him move on."

"he didn't do anything."

"so you did? did you cheat on him?"

"what? hell no."

"seo changbin just fucking explain."

"i gotta get home. nice seeing you hyung." and with that he stands and gets into his car, starting it and tearing out of the parking lot.

chan sighs. at least it was something. but he couldn't tell jisung yet.

when he gets home and starts the kettle for tea for jisungs throat.

"sungie!" he calls.

no reply.

worry shoots through his body fast.

"jisung?" 

he slams into the bathroom to find jisung throwing up into the toilet harshly.

"baby whats wrong?" 

jisung spits and sobs, face red and wet with tears and vomit in his cheek.

when he pulls back he notices that jisung definitely had thrown up on himself too.

chan rubs his back as he wretches violently again.

"what happened?"

"i drank." jisung coughs. "a lot."

"jisung… your body can't take all that especially right now."

"wanted to forget.." he sighs, face pale and sweaty.

"anymore to come out?" chan asks.

jisung shakes his head. "no i have nothing left."

"then let's clean you up."

"that's embarrassing hyung." jisung sniffs.

"are you strong enough to take a shower?" chan raises an eyebrow and jisung inhales softly. "thought so. come on, come here."

he spends the next hour giving jisung and bath and then helping him get dressed and get into bed.

"im sorry you have to take care of me.." jisung cries softly.

"i don't mind one bit, baby." chan whispers, holding him tightly.

-

"changbin."

"chan stop coming to my job. it's creepy."

"just tell me what happened."

"i moved on."

"you still wear your bracelet. the infinity one. it's right there. and he bought you that shirt. stop bullshitting me and tell me."

"you wouldn't understand."

"we have been friends over 10 years. i know you better than you know yourself. talk to me."

"i really should be going home-"

"stop avoiding it! you broke him apart! he's been so depressed i'm scared to leave him alone! he hates himself because he thinks he ruined what you two had. you were in love! never a single fight!! what the fuck happened?! i had to give the poor boy a bath the other night he nearly killed himself downing a bottle of whiskey. changbin talk to me!"

changbin winces. "im sorry."

"you should be. you ripped his heart out and he doesn't know why."

"it's really complicated… listen i should-"

"stop. tell me now."

"its-"

"changbin."

"stop pressuring me!" changbin snaps, tears on his cheeks. "my moms dying!" 

chan blinks.

"she's dying okay? and i wanted to be with her but jisungs so attached to her that it would've broke him so i-"

"broke up with him?! like that's going to help him?! changbin!! you should have told me!!!! and him for God's sake."

"im sorry i thought it would be easier for him."

"well you were wrong. and you really fucked up because there were so many other ways to go about this and you chose the worst one and now jisung is a shell of a human being."

changbin chokes on a sob and sniffs, "is he really bad?"

"yes. he cries all day and all night. he quit his job the week after you left hes so skinny and frail and hes constantly sick and im fucking terrified hes going to do something to himself."

changbin messes and picks at his nails. “im really sorry okay?”

“you should be telling him that. not me. fucking asshole.”

“im sorry, hyung. i can't. i have to get through this on my own and i can't drag him into my own depression and sickness right now. this is the best for him.”

“this is definitely not the best for him. your mom is all you got and you can't just go through this by yourself. you can't it's not healthy and honestly it's not possible. you cant sit alone trying to move past the death of your mother its just.. just fucking call him. or something. you shouldn't have left him like that. you tore him apart. im leaving but if you dont call him by tomorrow im coming back here to beat your fucking ass.”

“chan-”

but he was already in his car slamming the door and tearing out kicking up rock as he goes.

-

changbin did call. but jisung didn't pick up.

“who was that?” chan asks, although he already knows, as him and jisung sit on the couch later that night.

“it was changbin.” jisung lets his head fall on chans shoulder.

“why didn't you pick up?”

“i didn't want to.” jisung whispers.

chan squeezes his waist and kisses the top of his head.

chan doesn't push it because maybe jisung is finally getting closer to being better. and just because changbin should explain and apologize and try to work it out better, doesn't mean he is going to force jisung to do something he doesn't want to do.

“okay. that's fine then.” chan smiles. “but im not going anywhere just yet, okay?”

jisung sighs. “thank you.”

-

it had been two weeks since that call and changbin didn't try again. and chan hadn't gone back.

because jisung was getting better. he got his job back and he was gaining weight and sleeping by himself. he was working on it and he was getting better.

he still hadn't taken down the pictures on the walls of changbin or gotten rid of anything that was left over but he was working through it really well.

it was a saturday night. around 2am and the two boys were on the couch watching a movie when someone knocks on the door.

chan sets down his beer. “you expecting someone?”

jisung shakes his head, “nope.”

chan unlocks the door and opens it.

“jisung. is he here?”

chan blinks slowly at the very disheaveled changbin outside the door.

he was pale and had lost weight, tears streaking his face and hair a knotted mess.

“are you good bro?” chan asks.

“no. my mom died 30 minutes ago, is he here?” changbin presses.

“changbin?” chan turns to see jisung behind him.

“jisung… baby can we-”

“could you leave? i dont want to talk to you.”

“baby please i need to talk to you. it's really important i really need you right now.”

“and i needed you the past months but you were nowhere to be seen. do you understand how it felt? for someone you love with your whole heart to get up and leave and not tell you what happened? what you did wrong? you ruined my life. please leave.”

“jisung listen to me. please. my mom died i need to talk to you i have no one else please jisung just listen to me it was a mistake and i-”

“a mistake? you're damn right. get out. leave me alone.”

“please…” changbin sobs loudly, crumbling down and almost falling.

both boys stare at him until changbin falls to his knees, head in his hands. 

“please jisung it was a mistake i didn't ever want to leave you i didn't know what else to do.”

“fuck you.”

changbin stands shakily. “please.”

“youre fucking pathetic.” jisung spits. 

changbin laughs through a sob. “you're the one who was broken over me. i was over you in a day,” changbin coughs.

“hey, chill out,” chan says.

jisung growls low in his throat and then lunges forward and punches changbin straight in the face.

"jisung!” chan snatches the younger boy and pulls him but changbin already had hold of his arm.

“you bitch! why did you hit me!?”

“because you're being an asshole!! one day?! are you serious??? we have been together five years and you get over me in a day?!”

“what does it matter youve probably been fucking chan since the week i walked out!”

“why would you care if i was if you were over me before that?!”

both boys were in the other's face, bright red and pissed.

“stop! stop!” chan yells, grabbing jisung and lifting him up to turn and put him down behind him before stabbing his finger into changbin chest. “you have no right to come here being such a dick right now because you and i both know you're suffering and the only reason you're mad is because your emotions are out of control. you love him and you always have you just want to protect him which is not what you have been doing so man up and fucking tell him why you left in the first place and dont you DARE lay a fucking hand on him in the process or youre dead in the ditch outside.”

“so you told chan why you left and not me?!” jisung cries. “what the fuck-”

“stop jisung. stop yelling and listen.”

chan pulls changbin into the door and closes it. 

chan sits on the couch and changbin next to him and jisung is standing before he plops down on chans lap and turns to changbin.

“talk,” he says, arms crossed.

chans arm goes around his waist and his other across jisungs legs to hold him steady and to keep him from trying to hit changbin again.

“i left because my mom is dying- she died. but she called me and told me that she had a few months to live and i… freaked out. she's all i have and i know you were already stressed so i picked what i thought would be the best choice. leave to keep you from going through the same pain or even worse. obviously it didn't turn out that way but i… i didnt get over you in a day jisung. im still crying myself to sleep every night because i love you so much. i dont know why i thought breaking up with you would fix anything but i… im stupid okay? and im sorry. im sorry okay? im so sorry but i need you right now. im in so much pain and i really fucking need you. please don't kick me out. we can talk more tomorrow but i.. i need sleep. and i need you.”

“you can sleep here. but we are talking in the morning. you can't avoid that.” jisung pats chans arm so he can get up and chan kisses the side of his head before letting him. “come on cry baby.”

changbin gets up, sniffling and follows jisung to the bedroom.

with a sigh chan stands and goes to his own room, hoping that he wont wake up to screaming in the morning.

-

jisung woke up before changbin and pries his arms away from his own waist before getting up.

he stares at the boy sleeping in his bed peacefully for a minute before going out to the kitchen where chan is sitting at the table with a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee.

he places his hand on chans shoulder. “good morning hyung.”

“morning,” chan leans up and kisses his cheek. “changbin awake?”

“nope,” jisung steals a bite of chans cereal then pours himself a cup of coffee.

“so.” chan clears his throat. “are you going to get back together with him?”

“what?” jisung scoffs. “no? i have a boyfriend dummy.”

“huh? really? who?”

jisung stares at him hard. “you…?”

they stare at each other for a while.

“right…?” jisung swallows.

“um… i didnt- you- we haven't ever- jisung i don't even- hold on. you thought we were dating? how long?”

“the past month and a half…? you kiss me all the time and let me sit on your lap and… and um… i don't know.”

“jisung we have never kissed. yeah on the cheek or the head but we… jisung i never asked you out or-”

“so you dont like me..?” jisungs eyes are watery.

“no! that's not what i said. jisung you don't know what you want. you're still getting over him and he's here wanting you back,” chan laughs awkwardly. “we aren't together.”

jisungs lip shakes a little and he looks down at his hands, shaking his head a little. “youre right. i shouldn't have assumed. its fine.”

“sung-ah..”

“hey good morning.” changbin steps into the kitchen shirtless and looking like shit but less tired. “i interupt something?” 

“uh..” chan coughs. “no. no. I'll leave you two to talk.”

chan gets up and grabs his jacket before leaving and jisung wipes frantically at his cheeks.

“are you crying?” changbin asks softly, stepping forward towards jisung. “hey what happened?”

“nothing. let's just… get back together or something. i forgive you or whatever.” jisung sniffs, pushing past changbin to get dressed for work.

“jisung. hey! hey! dont walk off! hey! what's wrong???” changbin follows him.

jisung picks up clothes and drops them, shaking and crying, breathing heavily.

“jisung?” changbin calls softly, touching his arm.

“stop. stop. i have to go to work.” jisung pulls away, sniffing loudly.

“what's wrong?”

“nothing!” jisung snaps. “i need to go to work!”

changbin backs up. “okay…”

jisung is out the door in mismatched socks and an unbuttoned shirt in 5 minutes, slamming the door behind him.

-

jisung waits at the door that night, pacing back and forth for hours.

over the months of having just chan, he caught feelings. and maybe he was foolish to assume that just because chan gives him attention in ways he didn't before that he was his boyfriend now.

but jisung likes him. a lot. and he's confused now because changbins back. and he loves changbin.

so maybe he should let go of the feelings for chan. because no matter how bad it hurt when changbin walked out, he's back now and he's ready to explain and work it out together.

as jisung thinks, the lock turns in the door and it opens.

“chan can we please- oh.”

it was chan. but he had someone with him.

“jisung. this is my boyfriend of 2 years. minho.”

jisung stares at the boy in front of him. he was pretty. and quiet seeming. “hi.”

“hey. you're the famous friend jisung huh? the one with the broken heart? im minho.”

“um… hi…”

“you said that already.” minho grins.

he was nice.

“so this is a nice place.. this your ex?” minho walks around him into the living room and points at a picture on the wall of him and changbin at the fair 2 years ago.

“um.. yeah, my boyfriend.”

he looks at chan who looks back.

“you can come get your stuff tomorrow since changbins moving back in.” 

“i am?” changbin asks, stepping in from the bedroom. “oh hi, im changbin.”

“minho, chans boyfriend.”

“oh? awesome.”

“you are, you're my boyfriend of nearly 6 years anyway. you should be here.”

“well alright,” changbin chuckles, wrapping his arms around jisungs waist from behind and kissing his neck. “need help packing chan hyung?”

as they have talked, chan and jisung have been staring at each other.

“i dont have much. it shouldn't take long. ill be here tomorrow morning to get it all. minho you ready to go baby?” chan looks away from jisung to look at his boyfriend.

“yeah! it was great to meet you two, you're so cute together and im glad you worked things out since chan said you had a ring and everything.”

changbin tenses up really fast and chan inhales sharply.

“a ring? what kind of ring?” jisung stutters, turning to look at changbin.

“oh shit,” minhos eyes widen. “im sorry i thought you already did it.”

“changbin? what is he talking about?” jisung whispers.

“i- god damn it. lets talk about it later. okay?” 

jisung blinks. “were you going to propose to me before you found out about your mom?”

“jisung-”

“were you?”

“yes but-”

“changbin… i dont know what to say…”

“jisung let's talk about this alone okay? it was great meeting you and seeing you chan but you should get going.”

“yeah… yeah okay. see you two later.” chan swallows and then minho and him disappear.

“changbin..?” jisungs eyes are wide and his hands cup changbins face. “you have a ring?”

“i do.” changbin sighs softly.

“you were going to propose to me?”

“yes.”

“oh my god.”

“jisung…”

“i love you.”

“i love you so much jisung but we just got back to talking to each other and somethings going on with you.”

“chan and i had a problem but its… im fine okay? and i forgive you for leaving me. we need to plan your mom's funeral and work on each other right? i want to marry you. so much. i love you.”

changbin smiles. “i love you so much.”

“where is it?”

“in my bag.”

“can i have it?”

“you want to get engaged like this?”

“it fits us so well changbin. i don't want some big elaborate dinner. this is perfect.” jisung kisses him softly.

changbin laughs and nods. “okay,” he leans his forehead on jisungs. “I'll go get it.”

jisung smiles wide as changbin rushes to get his bag and comes back with a little purple box. and scrambles down onto one knee.

“jisung i am one stupid motherfucker but i love you so much and i want to spend the rest of my life with you. will you marry me?”

jisung laughs and nods. “yes you stupid bitch. yes. i love you.”

"i love you for infinity."

**Author's Note:**

> hiii thanks for reading! check out my twitter @MlNBINSUNG the i in min is a lowercase L!


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